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More emotional regulation sounds like a great idea

There is a great piece in the current issues of Men's Health Magazine called, "Are you emotionally smarter than a 5-year-old?"


An apt question in our post-pandemic world.


Students in a K-8 school in Los Angeles are taught how to regulate their emotions, rather than simply riding the waves of feelings all day, every day.


"That’s essential since the world, I’m reminded on my visit, is an emotionally dysregulated place. Emotion dysregulation, explains Marc Brackett, PhD, the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, is a fancy way of saying you have trouble managing your feelings, and it usually results in reacting disproportionately to a situation. Emotion dysregulation is screaming at another driver who swooped into your parking spot. It’s the chef or the CEO who manages with bullying and intimidation. It’s the president of the United States hopping on social media to celebrate the death of a political rival, and it’s basically every minute of every cable news panel show. The whole world, it feels like, is completely dysregulated, and it’s making our offices less productive, our relationships more cantankerous, our public discourse more toxic.".......


"Although Brackett is an expert in child development, he says most adults are completely unaware of their emotions at any given time. We swallow them, deny our feelings, then blow up or shut down. Even positive emotions can be dysregulated, if they’re not helpful to the situation you’re in (such as schadenfreude when empathy is needed). Brackett, who routinely consults for big companies like Amazon, says emotion dysregulation is a huge drag on workplaces. “I ask people, ‘How many of you have ever worked with someone who is dysregulated?’ And everybody raises their hands,” he says. “And I ask, ‘How many of you feel, I really want to work with that person for the rest of my life?’ And everybody puts their hands down.”


People seem irritated everywhere these days, from roadways to post offices to grocery stores to sidewalks. But what would it look like if everyone managed their feelings instead of being run by them? Willows Community School teaches the acronym RULER: recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing and regulating" emotions. If everyone regularly practiced these strategies, the world would run much better:


Recognize the emotion you’re having or are seeing in someone else. You’ve got to know what you’re dealing with in order to have the emotional space to manage it and not just react without thinking.


Understand the causes and consequences of emotions. You know how tearing into someone usually goes.


Label what you’re feeling—specifically. “Frustrated,” “powerless,” and “undervalued” all help you figure out how to respond better than “pissed off.” Even 5-year-olds can do it.


Express emotions in a way that matches the social context.


Regulate emotions. Not to be mistaken for “shut up and deal.” Take a breath, reframe, get someone else’s insight. Act in line with your goal, not your impulse.


I think I'm going to teach my own students these principles.

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